Camille’s Blog

i dOnt knOw what’s hAppening on me right nOw..im nOt sAd but im nOt hAppy either..

i really dOnt knOw what tO feel..and i really dOnt knOw whAt shOuld i feel..

sOmetimes,i wAnt tO becOme numb fOr me nOt to feel anything..but at the same time it scares me..

im afraid thAt i might hUrt other’s feeling..

im afrAid thAt sOmeday they’ll jUst left me hAnging becAuse of me, being sO insensitive..

i knOw im being a seLfish..and i admit it..especially when it cOmes tO my feelings.as lOng as i cAn save myself frOm any hArm or pAin..i dOnt cAre tO other people might think or might feel..and im sOrry fOr thAt..im really really sOrry..:(– because even though i dOnt wAnt tO hurt them,ill see myself dOing it..especially tO the one i lOve..im sOrry gUys..im nOt gOOd enOugh fOr you,fOr all of you..

wee..im sO dAmn cOnfused!i dOnt knOw what tO think and dO..i want tO ask them..just ask all of them..but fOr sOme reasOns, i jUst cAnt..i dOnt have the guts tO speak them alOud..and all i cAn do is right them dOwn here..my feelings and emOtions..haist..it’s sO hard to keep them–my anger,my frustration..sO hard to just let them be..unsaid,unknOwn..but i cAn dO nothing cOz i can trust nO one..sAd but true.:(

wOw..11 pm is nOt that bAd,just late..haha..but atleast,i have a  good time with eden & dhay.:)

but i also miss the others..especially,the one i have said gOodbye with,i miss the times that we tooted in school or in public places..i miss the mOments we’ve shared..the jokes,the seriousness sometimes.i miss those people who had a big impact in my life but nOw..all i can dO is reminisce thOse mOments..cOz,i cANt have them nO more..and simply because,ive already let them gO and just be haPpy with my own little wAy..

yeah,tomorrow will be the last:))tle and math..hope i could finish them.and hope i could get high grades..and i know..He will give me knowledge and wisdOm..yeah

losing all of them,i cant imagine but it happened,and it happened in just a blink of an eye..i lost them–my friends..but maybe,just maybe, i am the one to blame,but i didnt regret what ive dOne and said..i just did what i know is right..and i would fight fOr it..after all,i realized that i dOnt need a friend who judges negatively to his/her own friends and looks fOrward to every bad thing they have dOne.i just only need sOmeone who will accept me as i am,sOmeone who is nOt judgemental and fault finder…sOmeone who will understand me.sOmeone who is true..

i know she have already said goodbye to me a week ago..so am i..we’re better off this way,i believe..

so this is hOw our friendship ends..

you and me..a lot different and we just cant stay the same as we did before.

bye..

these fast few weeks,we’re sO busy..

and nOw,the periodical test cOmes..hOpe i could have much time tO review..

and hOpe to get high scores.:))

practice tOmorrOw is 6 am!!!haha..im still sleeping at that mOment,i guess..:))

it so hard tO wake up early when weekends right?but we have to.fOr us to finish this play.

get ready guys:)).we need to work hard..haha.lols

the deadline is nOt tomorrOw..haha.we cAn pass the video on role playing at mOnday..GOd hears my prayer..:))

we need it sO badLy tO start the role playing in engLish.we havent dOne anything yet.we have tO do it as early as we cOuld cOz the deadline is on juLy 31..hOpe we could find a way,we only have a couple of days to finishe that labOratory,if nOt we’re all dead..God please help us..aside from that,we need one’s cooperation and time.hOpe that everyOne will cooperate fOr our sAKe..hope my fellow members will do their best shOts to make our play gOod or better if we cAnt be the best.i think we’re the only group that havent started yet..pLease God,hear me,hear us..help us all..please send a persOn that may help us..please..

im hurt, because  my friend talks abOut sOmething behind my back..it sucks right?

i thought we’re friends..but nOt really:((..i love her.i really really do that’s why im bleeding this much..

just hoping that she’s happy..and all i can dO is stay away frOm her.i dOnt want this idea but i hAve to..its the onLy wAy i see to sAve myself..

anyways,she’s getting too far..she always gO with the fLow..never thinks if it’s gOOd or bAd..hOpe she’ll realize her craziness sOmeday before it’s tOo late..:((